I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize