I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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