was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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