i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
