I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
