You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize