well I can't set my house on fire every night
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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