Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
