We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize