if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
