Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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