You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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