i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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