i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
