Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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