That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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