not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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