Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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