If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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