I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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