what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
