oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
