You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
