did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
