I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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