Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
