its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
