SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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