Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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