I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
