But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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