Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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