these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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