cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
