I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
