I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
