I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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