i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
