made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
