She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
