My cat gives me a boner
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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