so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
