he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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