My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
