one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
