break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
