the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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