I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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