my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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