I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
