I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
