He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
