You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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