i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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