you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
