This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
