Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
