we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
