shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Houston, we have a blender
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize