i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
