i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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