i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
