Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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