I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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