He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
