So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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