Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
