i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
