Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
