Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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