Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
