I have demons in me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
bring money and cleavage
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
