all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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