if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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