my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
