Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
