Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
