He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
