Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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