I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
