You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
