so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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