i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
